Chapter Eight: BBRROONNZZEE (2016)

Summerfest 2016 5:55 PM CST

Day #2

This is the first year in as long as I can remember that I DID NOT GO TO OPENING DAY!

There is a real possibility that I’ve attended the Opening Day of Summerfest for the last 20 years straight. (Probably more.)

I didn’t go to Opening Day yesterday because I went to Six Flags Great America for some high thrills with my good friend Zach. It was awesome!

So I turned 40 this year….(SO WHAT!)

So, I’m here at a Summerfest beta stage: It’s the blah blah blah bank pavilion or something.

The Marcus Amplitheater is the alpha.

Here at the beta stage, some shit band just took the stage. Four in-shape men (clearly in their early 50’s) playing some long winded rock n’ roll instrumental with cheesy 1970’s guitar solos. All four were wearing sunglasses.

The pavilion is about one-third full.

Styx plays in about 3.5 hours.

I’m sipping on a Redd’s Green Apple Ale with my sunglasses on. On my half-hour walk here, I thought about how badly the chaffed skin on my inner thighs felt. I suffered in this pain for exactly half of my walk down here.

Before the journey, I hobbled 3 blocks to Walgreens for some petroleum jelly; while there I picked up my prescription for Warfarin, and dropped off a script for my upcoming colonoscopy.

Have I mentioned that I turned 40?

So they’re singing now….and here’s another cheesy 70’s guitar solo.

Now the lead singer is singing/pointing at the sparse crowd.

The extended outro is a classic one. Designed to make the crowd clap hard when it’s done.

(Thank god it’s over.)

Of course, the lead singer yells something into the mic immediately after the song ends.

“Blah Blah Blah, Milwaukee!”

(Of course)

The band’s name is Bad Boy. I’m not joking.

“Everybody alright?” – the first words I clearly understood from the lead singer.

No. I’m not alright.

My inner thighs are severely chaffed, and I’m sitting here listening to the lead singer of Bad Boy scream into the microphone.

“I’ve got people from Australia here. I’ve got people from California here.”

Great. Good for you….

These guys aren’t horrible.

Better musicians than I am, that’s for damn sure.

They’ve performed at Summerfest for 5 straight years.

I haven’t.

I’m not jealous.

I’m not in awe.

I’m just observing and analyzing based on my prior experiences.

He’s now singing, “Do you feel alright?”

I will in a second…

Now at the Briggs stage.

Some band named Juice won the big Battle of the Bands competition. They won $20,000 or something.

My band, Where the i Divides, entered a Battle of the Bands once.

We lost….

The guitar player (the same friend I went to Great America with) showed up late and drunk and threw his large tube amp off its stand after a horrible show.

BEST SHOW EVER!!!!

When I was younger, I wrote all the time…

I used to hang on so tightly to all the joy and ecstasy of my 20’s….

I knew it was fleeting, and I didn’t want to let that fire burn out without documenting it.

Some millennial just showed up with her Bob Marley back-pack. Katy Perry is playing on the loudspeaker.

(I’m out of here…)

Now at the hard rock stage: three-fourths of the band are in their mid-50’s and wearing sunglasses. Two of them are wearing hats to hide their receding hairlines, and the lead singer is unashamed of his receding hairline/balding head.

I’m lucky. My dad still has plenty of hair in his mid-60’s, and I still a full head of hair here at 40.

Whatever. Their drummer is in his 20’s.

Looks like his hair is receding too, even at this early age. (Like father, like son….I’m sure.)

The lead singer is droning on about Les Paul.

Boring.

So he’s from Waukesha….(big fucking deal.)

They’re now singing about letting the good times roll.

(Organ solo.)

75% of the crowd is paying attention.

Precisely 25% of them are on their phones.

“Let the good times roll.”

Joe Jackson is the headliner tonight at this stage.

(Joe Jackson.)

Some old guy is wearing a Phish shirt.

He probably got into Phish when he was my age.

(Holy shit.)

I forgot my headphones this year.

My band hasn’t practiced in well over 3 years.

There’s a real possibility that we may never perform again.

There’s a real possibility that you could care less.

(And that’s alright by me.)

GGOOLLDD here at the Oasis.

Heard a lot about this local band.

So far, I’m unimpressed.

Flashy costumes.

Synths.

So what?

Little depth to their songwriting.

Their attempts at hooks don’t blow me away.

SSIILLVVEERR.

Listen to Canada’s METRIC instead….

(Trust me.)

After sitting through their last 3 songs, maybe they should be named, BBRROONNZZEE.

(Trust me.)

Try Chvrches instead.